Ideally I wanted to write this post at the beginning of Mother's Day, but let's be honest: I haven't been very on top of things lately. This Mother's Day seems extra special as it is also our 7th anniversary PLUS I am now about 10 weeks along with baby number two! Of course, I am cautiously happy - there is still a long way to go! - but it's hard not to be totally thrilled. It's been an interesting journey. If you would have asked me on our wedding day what I pictured our family to be seven years from then, I probably would have said I would have two kids and one more on the way. Funny how life really turns out. I never thought struggling with infertility would be anywhere in the picture, but for the last two and a half years, it has.
Sadly, I think I took my pregnancy with London partly for granted. Everything turned out perfectly, I had no complications and it ended with a great delivery. I wrongly assumed that it would be just as easy the second time around, but as the months turned into years, I started to lose hope. I chose to focus my energy on London and enjoy the time I had with her, which has been wonderful. But as friends gave birth to their seconds and thirds, my heart began to hurt. Going to baby showers or hearing my friends complain about the uncomfortable aspects of pregnancy only made me more discouraged and left me wondering what had changed within my body that was making it so difficult this time. Luckily I had one person who completely understood: my sister. Three months before I gave birth to London, she gave birth to Brooks, and the two love playing together now. She has also struggled with getting pregnant a second time and it has been very comforting to know that I wasn't the only one. Really, she has been the biggest strength and support and I hope that soon her prayers will be answered as well.
I promise to keep you all posted on how things progress in the coming months. Lately I have been in the throes of morning sickness (more like all-day sickness) which seems worse than last time. My energy has been at an all-time low, but I feel very lucky that London is at a great age when she can entertain herself and understands my needs for rest time. Scott has also really stepped it up, tackling the yardwork with a vengeance, and helping out with lots of housework that I just can't bring myself to do right now. Even as I type, he is busily doing dishes/laundry/dinner! What an amazing guy.
So there's my little (big) Mother's Day post. I hope you don't mind me being so personal! I just wanted to share my gratitude and what motherhood means to me at this stage in my life. When I look back on the photos from London's birth, I realize that I thought I understood what being a mother was all about and felt so ready and confident. Four and a half years later, my confidence has dwindled a bit, but I still plug along and give it the best I know how.